By {Molly}
I travel often for work and for pleasure. When I say often, I mean I am on a plane usually about 4 times a month, sometimes less, sometimes a lot more. This travel has made me acutely aware of the fact that other people in the world are not acutely aware of their own surroundings. At this very moment I am on an airplane at 1am {I have this unfortunate habit of writing the best on airplanes, no matter the time}. Tonight my flight from Denver to Dallas was delayed 2 hours, so I should be home in bed right now, which makes it all the more annoying. I sit in my aisle seat and have no one seated next to me for most of the boarding process. Then a cute Spanish women and her son get into the middle and window seats. I think “Good they won’t want to talk to me and seem like nice enough, quiet, respectful people.” Well, don’t judge a book by its cover {I actually hate this saying… of course I’m judging the book by its cover. I’m not going to read every blurb on the back to find my next read… I have to get past the cover first}.
The woman sits down and has her son sit next to the
window. Until they are LITERALLY forced
to turn off both of their phones {why on earth this seemingly 6 year old kid
has an iPhone is beyond me but that’s another post entirely} he is playing some
holy shit annoying game on his. I’m
talking the arcade kind that has constant LOUD noises coming out of it. “Shit,” I think. I’m actually going to have
to confront them to shut the hell up. I don’t, because I’m all talk but when it
comes to confrontation I have no guts.
Then this kid has a doll {Dora the Explorer possibly?} that keeps
speaking to us all in Spanish. I’m not joking when I say right now they are
sprawled out in their 2 seats together squirming around. Her back is really moving in on my comfort
zone and her seat is extended back as far as possible. Again, it’s 1am on a Monday. I’m not amused.
Here are some of my thoughts on travel and what is NOT ok.
*Do not let your child play a game that is not on silent. If
it requires sound, use
headphones.
*No talking dolls or other toys. {Also, why does your son
have a girl doll?}
*No invading the personal space of the person next to you.
You’re a normal sized person. You should be at least half a foot from me, not
centimeters.
*I know it’s not the 70’s and flying isn’t some glamorous
thing we all need to dress up for anymore but that does not make it ok for you
to fly in your pajamas. There are wide
varieties of very comfortable clothes that substitute your fugly sweatpants, post to follow.
*For the love of God use your inside voice.
*No cuddling. This is not a romantic place, it’s actually
the opposite of a romantic place. On the way to your honeymoon or destination
wedding? Save it for the romantic setting.
Holding hands is fine {but weird}, sprawling across laps and making out is totally
unacceptable. {I was, no joke, on a plane once with 2 very hippie kids sitting
next to me making out. Keep it up only if you also want to cuddle in vomit.}
*If I get my book, magazine, computer, or head phones out it
means I’m not interested in talking to you.
I’m not against chatting with the person next to me on a plane however
if one of these things is out, it’s my Do
Not Disturb sign.
*If you’re on a plane and not with your wife, you should be
wearing your wedding ring. Don’t let me chat with you for 2 hours to find out
you’re unavailable. I would have only chatted with you for 10 minutes had I
known.
*Don’t bring something smelly to eat on the plane. I
guarantee you had plenty of time to eat that in the roomy terminal. You should
have. If you didn’t have time to eat it
there, you should be taking this time to shrink your stomach…
*If your child is kicking the back of someone’s seat, poking
them, or trying to talk to the stranger next to them, I at least want to hear
you TRY to tell them that’s unacceptable behavior. “Johnny stop that! You are
severally annoying that nice lady in front of you.” I need these words to come
from your mouth and real genuine concern and effort in stopping the situation
ASAP.
Notice I said nothing about your screaming new born. I am, strangely, not offended by this.
Do I find it incredibly annoying? I mean sure… but I have 5 nieces and nephews. Listen, I get sometimes there is
literally nothing you can do about them crying {this stands for babies only}. I’m not one of those people who
hates kids, I don’t. I love them! Maybe give them a sedative before boarding
though?
{Update: the kid is literally sitting next to me now staring
at me… maybe reading this? I changed the
song on my phone and sat it back next to me. I swear to God he grabbed my
phone. The death stare the poor kid received will probably haunt him in his
dreams. Good, maybe he’ll learn some
manners from it….}
Xoxo,
Molly
No comments:
Post a Comment